Today is once such day when I am confirmed that I am a victim of my own principles. But then also I won’t give up, not yet, because my values will never fail me in the long run. I speak of a particular day, a very normal day in my life, nothing exceptional. Just that something which happened in the morning perplexed me.
I left my house, walking my way to the bus stop; from where I could catch my usual 9.30 am 29C. This bus would take me to Sterling Road, that’s where my office is. No specific reason why I take this particular bus, but yes the timing is convenient and apparently the bus is a little less crowded at this very particular moment. The pallid public carrier arrives, driver opens the automatic doors and I am gulped into it. Such strategic is my timing and the stop from where I catch the bus that I am fluky to comfortably grab a seat, always!!
Being a typical Indian city, public transport cannot be sans mass. On any average day, the bus would be packed to the doors, people popping out from all angles and openings possible. But here I am, comfortably seated on the right side, that being the so designated ‘ladies side’ of the bus. Male commuters hardly fix themselves on this side of the borderline. Whenever I board the bus, I always have a number of choices to get seated, mine being only the second stop after the bus originates from the station. But I particularly take the first seat, just after the front door of the bus. I prefer being closer to the door, as it takes less steps and even lesser skimming through the crowd when I have to get out of the bus :). It also helps me the days when I have to unexpectedly get down the bus, some where different from my usual stop. Now stop assessing me and my logics!!
So today, while I am comfortable seated, the bus picks up crowds at its usual junctures. Till now it’s been a delightful day, with the crowd is at its minimum. But not all are seated and some standees add glamour to the aisle of the bus. I had already sailed two-thirds of my journey, that would be rough thirty minutes and was about to reach my stop in another ten fifteen. That is when I see this old man getting into the bus and I had no need to confirm that all seats were taken. Being the courteous and well mannered girl I am, I get up from my seat and offer him mine, in sign language. Sign language is significant here coz I don’t know the local dialect. Mine being a ladies seat, the gentle old man was little reluctant to take it. Yet thankfully he was taking short steps towards the seat I just gave up for him, a few seconds ago. Just when I was about to feel the gladness of being able to start the day with such a good deed arrrrrrrrrgh grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr @ # $ % ^ & *
A quite young, hale and hearty lady comes into the bus and grabs the first available seat next to the door, fatefully the same one I had just vacated for the old man. I bet she isn’t as logical as me, yet she had to take the seat right next to the door!! Huh…More than frustration, disappointment crept into me and I felt heartbroken. I wasn’t equipped even with a single line to tell the lady. All I wished to do at that point was have a conversation with GOD, asking why such good intentions go wasted down the drain…I might not be able to assure that lady was in lesser need of the seat than the old man, but prudence would point in the direction my thoughts were flowing. I had tried genuinely, not to receive applause from all in the bus, but to help some one I felt needed it. I wanted to provide the minimal comfort I could, to some one I might never meet ever again in life. But then, there are occasions like this, where I feel defeated, even after my genuine and honest try. Not being able to converse in local language where people won’t even understand proper English or Hindi feels like a curse to me at such instances.
After such a fiasco, I stand like a complete idiot and fool, some undersserving person is positioned on the seat I held and now I don't even have the heart to look at the old man. But accidentally when our eyes meet, the sweet old man passed on a smile to me with all the gratitude he had. That's the best consolation that I could have got this morning and that is the only thing that gave me strength to hold my tears.
I get down the bus, a little less hurt, not feeling like a loser anymore; all because I knew it in my heart that HE acknowledged the fact that I had tried....His appreciative smile more that the cushion I needed to sail through the day that had started so disheartening!!
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